Posts Tagged Alcide

Is Alcide the answer? uh, no…

Well we’ve paid a lot of attention to Eric and Bill, the vampire suitors, here at….

But what about Alcide? He’s confirmed to be coming back for Episode 4×03 (see below) and Alan Ball certainly seems to be cramming him down our throats as Sookie’s third suitor (like it or not and I am going with not).

I guess….Alcide won’t be sucking her blood at least (*sarcastic cheers and high-pitched whistles as the balloons fall*). Claudine will approve I guess…but wait, she almost trapped Sookie in maggot fairyland where it’s probable she’d be eating this until she dropped dead at some unknown time:


Anyway, let’s get back to Alcide.  What exactly is this guy offering her that Eric can’t give her other than romps in the sun?

Outside sex is a bit overrated if you ask me and although Sookie lives without an ever-present neighbor, I don’t think Sookie would like to lend an audience to the many day walkers of Bon Temps that seem to routinely stop by and she can lay out with Tara anyway.

So if you put the daytime romps aside, what exactly are you offering Sookie as a day walker if you WON’T HAVE BABIES (as we found out from Debbie in Episode 3×07???

Also, I mean he’s only there for monetary reasons related to Eric…So your broke too and you remind Sookie every chance you get?…. You pretty much know how to kill a lady-boner don’t you Alcide?

Sookie is also in need of protection, like it or not, and all we ever see is Alcide getting his butt kicked like  some overt nerd on the school yard…

So much so that he amounts to nothing more than a pretty boy with bad case of body hair :

Even Russell is dumb-founded by the pathetic nature of your game and he’s gay:

I mean, I know Alcide is hot and all, but doesn’t his presence on the screen kinda remind you of that hot friend you had in high school that was always without a girlfriend because there was just something there that always relegated him to the “friend zone”?

Not to mention that he still loves a woman (the lovely Miss Pelt) that wants to “rip her head off.”

Finally, it’s been a long time since I have seen a quality show on a premium channel with top-notch actors contain an on-screen romantic pairing with such a minuscule amount of chemistry. If you have me wishing Bill was back on the screen, we have a definite problem here MR. ALAN BALL!


, , , ,